Aloha Sangha

ancient wisdom for crazy times

Tag: the three poisons

Buddhist death meditation: letting go of regrets
Buddhist death meditation encourages a gradual letting go of regrets.
In her most recent book, Alive Until You’re Dead: Notes on the Home Stretch, the 81-year-old Zen teacher, editor and writer Susan Moon relates an ordeal she went through while riding on public transit from Berkeley to the San Francisco airport.
When she got to the airport, she realized that her carry-on bag, which had her IDs, credit cards, cash, appointment book and teaching notes, had been stolen.
She writes she felt “stripped of everything.”
She could not board her flight to her teaching gig without her ID, but she still had her round-trip public transit ticket. So she took the train back to Berkeley. And on the way home, she had an epiphanic insight.
Yes, she lost some valuable stuff, but she suddenly realized she still had her life, her body, her family, and her friends.
“I touched my own knees in amazement, and wanted to jump up and down in the train, shouting, `I’m alive! I’m alive!’ She writes:
The theft was a strange gift. I lost some objects, yes, and I gained a sense of gratitude for my life that is still with me. I often forget how amazing it is to be alive, but if I concentrate, I can open a drawer in my mind and find the memory of that train ride.
My life feels more complicated each day, with a ridiculous number of choices to make and noise to filter out. I get stuck in overwhelm mode. My system gets bogged down, flooded with sticky memories triggered by the media.
As much as I try to practice culture war pacifism, the news still gets to me. But then I reflect on the words of the American Buddhist monk, Ajahn Nisabho:
There is a role for political discussion, for talking to people about what is meaningful. But it’s very important to understand that as practitioners of this path, you have stepped into a higher order narrative and received something which is far more important than the political debate of the day.
Reading this, I take a breath and try to connect with this “higher order narrative.”
I appreciate the late Indian philosopher Krishnamurti’s words here:
You think you’re thinking your thoughts. You are not. You are thinking the culture’s thoughts.
Yeah, and many of us even take our cell phones to bed with us. I admit to being guilty as charged (or maybe guilty when charged–my phone, that is.)
what is this higher order narrative?
The other day I sat in meditation, turning Ajahn Nisabho’s phrase over in my head: what is this higher order narrative I have stepped into? And as nature would have it, I had my own epiphanic insight.
I’m not sure I can describe it in my own words, but a few lines from the poem “When Death Comes,” by Mary Oliver kept coming up.
When it’s over, I want to say: all my life I was a bride married to amazement. I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.
perfect just as it is right now
Our simple mindfulness shows us this amazing, crazy world is perfect, just as it is right now. It couldn’t be otherwise.
Yes, even my life as it is right now: overweight, under-exercised, and not looking forward to the long drive home in heavy morning traffic from my night shift job.
I used to feel quite depressed. A part of me was consumed with fantasies and expectations: my kids, my marriage, my meditation practice, my crazy job.
I’m much happier now.
letting go of these fantasies of some other life
Finding happiness was about letting go of these fantasies and realizing that life is truly amazing without them. I would even say–especially without them.
My higher order narrative is just this: when I lie on my deathbed, can I let go of any regrets for having just been me?
Thank you Suan Moon, for the gift of having your bag stolen on public transit, and for sharing it with us.
05/30/2023
hijacked by my news feed, again
My news feed can incline my mind toward fear, confusion and anger. But I can also re-frame my news feed to spark compassion for the suffering of others.
The news. OMG, how to deal with the news? The horrors in Ukraine, and the suffering of forced migration are just one of multiple national and world crises, many impacting people of color and the LGBTQ communities + disproportionately.
And yesterday the leaked draft U.S Supreme Court majority opinion that is likely to strike down abortion rights, which may even lead to the banning of contraceptives and interracial marriage in some states.
Study for ‘The Garden Court‘ (1889)-Sir Edward Burne-Jones.
What do I do with this anger at the obviously guileful testimony given by Gorsuch and Kavanaugh during their confirmation hearings? Feel betrayed, confused? Ignore it?“
Feel it mindfully, but most likely get flooded again?
The Buddha referred to dharma practice as moving “against the stream” of society. These days it’s more like we’re up against a tsunami of collective pain and confusion. It’s so easy to become flooded by this tsunami of fears and anxieties.
guarding the doors of the senses
I have great respect for the Buddha’s teaching on guarding the sense doors. The guidance he offers me is not to shut myself off from the world; rather, it’s not letting myself be drawn out of my centeredness while scrolling my news feed, for example.
Guarding the sense doors is the first step in reclaiming my scattered attention.
The Buddha gave the example of being a sentinel watching the doors of the citadel of the mind. You observe the comings and goings at the six senses, watchful for anything that can sneak in or leak out to bring about a surprise attack.
do we install a content blocker in our mind?
it’s not so much like having a content blocker installed in our mind. It’s more about watching for the three poisons of greed, hatred and delusion creeping into the mind on little cat feet.
By sitting in meditation and watching the comings and goings at my six sense doors (of hearing, touching, feeling, touching, smelling and thinking) I am fully present for what’s needed in the moment.
I’ve lost my game these past few weeks
But over the past few months I have lost my game, being too eager to jump into my news feed unprepared. Naturally, I feel overwhelmed and exhausted.
There’s just no way around it–I need to meditate first thing in the morning before checking my news feed!
I admit I need a lot more grounding and centering these days.
Our meditation is called a “practice” because it’s a way to practice meeting the fearful and confusing challenges of our times the same way I meet each breath, sound or distraction on the cushion–with gentleness and ease.
You cant’s stop the waves of the mind, but …
The late Swami Satchidananda, the founder of Integral Yoga, has a line, which was appropriated by Jon Kabat-Zinn.
You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.
Meditation is learning how to surf the waves of the mind; no matter what they seem like to us, they are simply waves–of fear, confusion, or joy, appreciation, relief.
our meditation is a laboratory
Meditation is also a laboratory for exploring the many paradoxes of our practice. I appreciate an important one in the words Carl Rogers used to describe his humanistic approach to psychotherapy:
The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I change.
When I find myself stuck in anger and despair, I reflect on these words. I accept I am flooded with despair. I don’t meet despair with inner aggression. But I also reflect that I need to take responsibility, nicely, for getting stuck in its tendrils.
August Macke’s Portrait of the Artist’s Wife (1909).
I can do this because I have the agency of knowing how I got into despair in the first place.
If I give in to despair, which is easy to do–have you noticed?– I’m not really responding to life, I’m wallowing in it.
“The terrorists are in the cockpit”, as my teacher Shinzen Young would say. My news feed has hijacked my attention again.
The Buddha pointed out that whatever we frequently think and ponder upon will become the “inclination of our minds”.
from wallowing to compassion
My news feed, if I let it, can incline my mind toward fear, confusion and anger at all the crises we face. But I can also re-frame my news feed to feel compassion for the suffering of others. This compassion is really the opposite of wallowing.
There is a path, and it is a process of discernment vs. distraction in each moment. The mature discernment of responses to each situation in our life, the Buddha taught, leads to the fading of attachment and the bliss of release.
Carl Rogers on the good life
I think the Buddha would have approved of Carl Rogers’ statement:
The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.
Reclaiming our attention, and using it for mature discernment, is the direction the Buddha advises us to follow.
It’s what we signed up for.
05/07/2022
letting go of wanting happiness
Folks who meditate in order to feel better often find the opposite. Eventfully they see that it’s the letting go of the wanting of happiness, that actually brings it!
I can begin to answer by sharing a haiku I recently found:
Since my house burned down
I now have a better view
of the rising moon.
This moving haiku was written by Mizuta Masahide, a 17^th century poet and samurai. It has spoken to me deeply many times.
I am often asked why I meditate.
Depending on who asks, I answer something like – To clearly see why I suffer, and with that understanding to cultivate peace of mind and a kind heart.
I have personally found mindfulness practice does just that.
After his own spiritual awakening, the Buddha distilled his understanding of our human situation into three insights, traditionally known, in an awkward sounding translation, as the three marks of existence.
The three facts of life
Let’s just call them the three facts of life:
1. Everything is temporary;
2. We habitually react to our world with resistance, felt as tension and suffering; and
3. Nothing solidly happens by itself, everything is contingent on causes and conditions.
There is a cool feeling of relief when I acknowledge these facts for myself. They help me appreciate what’s truly important in this fleeting world.
They wake me up as I move through my life in a kind of daze, checking email on my phone, going from one task and one distraction to another.
Because everything is changing, a flower has poignancy. When I realize this, I pause.
And because everything is evanescent, everything is precious. Our obligation is to spend this moment well, with wisdom and compassion
Because I suffer at times, “the sure heart’s release” is more appealing.
And because everything is contingent on something else, I appreciate my interconnection and responsibility to everyone and everything.
The Korean monk Haemin Sunim, in his lovely book The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, expresses the third fact in this way:
The whole universe is contained in an apple wedge in a lunch box. Apple tree, sunlight, cloud, rain, earth, air, farmer’s sweat are all in it. Delivery truck, gas, market, money, cashier’s smile are all in it. Refrigerator, knife, cutting board, mother’s love are all in it.
Everything in the whole universe depends on one another.
The Buddha taught that deeply experiencing these three facts with mindfulness in our daily life brings about wisdom and compassion, and greatly eases our distress and anxiety. I love Sylvia Boorstein’s line:
Life is like a continuous quiz show where the only question ever asked is:
“How are you going to manage whatever is happening now without confusing yourself and creating suffering?“
And daily life is the best place to practice releasing needless suffering and growing in love and compassion. Our everyday lives serve up unending opportunities that catch us, triggering our habitual reactions of “liking and disliking.”
Mindfulness allows us to catch ourselves before life does.
The issue is we find ourselves wanting to have a different experience in other than the one we are having.
For example, folks are often drawn to meditation out of a desire to feel better in some way. But if we meditate with this desire to feel good, we selectively internalize that meditation is all about feeling good, calm, and peaceful.
And when we don’t feel calm or peaceful, we can get frustrated, even agitated.
Despite repeated encouragement to relax and let go of our ideas about meditation, and our fantasies of how we should feel when it works, it can take a while for this to really sink in.
it’s the letting go of the wanting of happiness, that actually brings it.
letting go of the notion of self-improvement
Crucial to the practice is learning to be radically OK with ourselves just as we are in the present moment. In doing so, we also let go of the notion of self-improvement.
Mindfulness meditation often starts out by working with an uncooperative and rebellious mind. You know this mind-it’s the one that spaces out, goes into la-la land, feels anxious, and wants out.
It’s the mind that opens its eyes during group meditation, looks at the clock, and says “Ugh, ten more minutes!”
Mindfulness takes us right up to the boundaries of our physical and emotional discomfort. But it allows us to be OK there, to settle down, and lose the fear.
Folks who meditate in order to feel better often find the opposite. Eventfully they see that it’s the letting go of the wanting of happiness, that actually brings it!
Sayadaw U Tejaniya of Burma writes:
Don’t practice with a mind that wants something or wants something to happen. The result will only be that you tire yourself out.
In time you will delight in ordinary mental presence, and you forget about extraordinary anything. Extraordinary experiences are not the goal of meditation. They do come and go, as side –effects of your practice.
This is a huge turning point in your practice – the more you let go, the happier you are. You clearly see that ultimate liberation is the ultimate letting go of everything.
I will leave you this week with the words of the Thai forest teacher Ajahn Chah.
Do everything with a mind that lets go. Don’t accept praise or gain or anything else. If you let go a little you a will have a little peace; if you let go a lot you will have a lot of peace; if you let go completely you will have complete peace.
Hey, is that a moon I see up there?
10/19/2018