a gentle rain in the garden of the heart
I was initially turned off by Buddhist metta meditation. I felt it was silly. But slowly, things changed. Now I hold this practice most dearly.
I was initially turned off by metta, or loving-kindness, meditation. I felt it was silly sentimentality, putting on a Pollyanna-ish fake smile.
But slowly, things changed. Now I hold this practice most dearly.
It turns out loving-kindness meditation is not sentimentality, and it is not really affection. It’s more about living with the Buddha called con-contention in your heart, as he describes here:
The world may quarrel with me, but I have no quarrel with the world.
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The teacher Shaila Catherine offers us this description of metta meditation:
We cultivate loving-kindness as an invitation to soften our hearts, to connect deeper with all of life, and abide in an un-conflicted relationship to all things.
One way to do this practice:
First, we choose either ourselves or one person for whom we feel a safe and genuine connection, perhaps a mentor or trusted elder.
The practice is to combine in awareness the felt sense or image you have of yourself or the other with the calm, even repetition of the four phrases.
The Four Traditional Metta Phrases
May I/ you/ they/ all beings…
Be safe and protected (from inner and outer harm)
Be happy
Be healthy
Live with ease of well-being
The repetition of the phrases is not meant to elicit any kind of feeling- they are not incentives to push for some feeling or other.
The phrases are simply expressions of the intention of kindness and friendliness, full stop.
The Buddhist psychologist and teacher Tara Brach says:
It’s not about turning somebody we don’t like into somebody we do like – or pretending to like everybody.
The phrases are vessels or carriers to express these gentle intentions of the heart.
You offer the phrase to the person; you stay with that awareness of blending the sense or image of the person with the phrase, then you let it all go- until the next phrase arises.
It’s a really simple practice
Just like all the other practices in our tradition- the profundity sneaks up on you later, trust me. Don’t let the simplicity deceive you.
And just like with the breath, just as you don’t keep checking if you are feeling the breath yet … likewise you don’t keep checking am I feeling metta yet?
We just offer the phrase and let it go … until the next phrase arises.
One of my teachers, Sharon Salzberg, says:
Let your mind rest in the phrases. You can be aware of the phrases either with the breath or just in themselves—the focus of the attention is the phrases. Feelings will come and go; his practice is not about trying to make feelings happen.
Metta is a practice of directed intentionality. We are intentionally inclining the heart toward gentleness and friendliness.
Here is an description of this “directed intentionality” and what it means in practice, by Jack Kornfield- it’s a six minute video:
It’s truly amazing we can cultivate this intentionality, like a gentle rain in the garden of the heart, nourishing everything that grows in it.
Interested in learning more about this wonderful practice?
Sharon Salzberg offers crystal clear guidance on this timeless path in these two books: Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness, and her latest Real Love: The Art of Mindful Connection. The Malaysian monk Bhante Sujiva has dedicated his life to these teachings; his clear book on the practice of metta can be a helpful companion in developing this practice.
“In gladness and in safety, may you be at ease.”
